Dear Starshine- Gratitude Journals- Day 4

Dear Starshine,

Today, I chose to write my nearly daily gratitude journal entry about you. I also chose to write it to you.

So, thank you.

Thank you for being my boyfriend. I know some days I take more patience than others. I know some days it’s hard to be so far apart, especially during this time, when our plans of being together seem farther in the future than ever. But you remind me over and over we will get through this. Thank you for that.

Thank you for holding me. Given our distance, I don’t mean physically (though you give the very best hugs and I can’t wait until we can be together again). Thank you for being there when I need you, when my world is crashing down, when my blood sugar is low and I’m irritated for no reason, when I’m saddened by someone else’s off-handed comment, when I just am thinky. Thank you for being someone I can hold on to and trust.

Thank you for trusting me. I want to be there for you through thick and thin. I want to be there to hold you when your world is crashing down, the same way you are there for me. I want to be there for you when things are bad. You trust me with your heart and I want to take care of it the best way I know how.

Thank you for celebrating with me. There’s a time for tears but there’s also a time for laughter and you make me smile and laugh every single day. Thank you for making me grin, being happy for me, and I am so happy I get to be happy for you and with you and that I can make you smile.

Thank you for supporting me. I still can’t quite believe it when you tell me my writing is actually good and your only complaint is the fact it’s not already published. Thank you for pushing me to write. And thank you for pushing me to be more confident too.

Thank you for your prayers for me. You have no idea how much it means to me when you tell me you’ve been praying for me. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been praying for exactly. The fact that you care enough about me to petition our Heavenly Father on my behalf is one of the best things I can know.

Thank you for introducing me to Magic the Gathering. One day I’ll be able to win against you but I make no guarantees that I will ever actually learn enough to know what exactly you are talking about when you start just talking about technique with no reference…

Thank you for playing Minecraft and starting Knights Radient, ForgottenPast. I am honored to be your Minecraft queen.

Thank you for all you say, do, and think. Thank you for being you, your awesome, amazing, nerdy, kind, loving, sweet self. I never in a million years thought I could be blessed with a boyfriend like you, Ammon J.

Love,

Kate

Creativity- Gratitude Journals- Day 3

I am not sure why I have so much trouble choosing what topic to write about for these journals… I think it still is me worrying that people will think I am somehow ranking these due to what order they are in.

I am grateful for creativity. Even if it does occasionally allude me…

I am grateful that God made me creative and allows me to find new ways to do things.

I am grateful for the gift of writing, that I can create worlds with ink, paper, and 26 letters. That I can express ideas and thoughts in blog posts.

I am grateful for creative games, where I can create worlds there too.

I am grateful that with the creativity, I have been given an amount of organization, so I know how to place things (be that Minecraft blocks or words) so that they are appealing to myself and others.

I am grateful for the creativity that comes with problem solving.

And today is a short post because I just got done with a fiction writing session. My creativity is just about spent for today.

Kate out.

Tears- Gratitude Journals- Day 2

Hi, reader-peeps.

I had a very hard time coming up with the topic for today’s post. Mostly because I didn’t want anyone to feel as if I am ranking these by what order I write posts about them. There are obviously some things I am more grateful for than others and things that are more important than others that I am not nearly grateful enough for.

With that out of the way, I am going to start this off with a bit of an odd thing because it’s on my mind.

True, but I those of us who are so determined to stay strong hate it when it happens.

I’m grateful for tears.

I don’t cry in front of people. And if I do start to cry in front of people, it is quickly dried up when they start trying to comfort me or saying things like “hey, don’t cry, it’s okay”. It’s almost as if I feel I might be too mature for tears. And I wonder if the culture of “You can do it!” is partially encouraging this mindset. Like crying is somehow… not okay.

A lot of things cause tears. Sadness is an obvious one. Fear can cause tears. Anger. Even happiness can cause tears. And sometimes, something as uncontrollable as a hormonal imbalance (looking at you, PMS) can cause tears.

Tears are not a bad thing. After all, Jesus wept, didn’t He? And yet somehow, it’s ingrained in my subconscious and probably in the subconscious of many people that crying isn’t a good thing and we ought to be happy and just go with the flow of everything and why would you be sad when everything is good?

But God gave us the ability to cry. In this time of intense fear and worry and sadness, we probably all could use a good cry. Scientific research has shown that crying is actually good for us and can help us feel better.

To be completely open with you, I cried last night. I have been needing to have a good cry for quite a while. Enough fear and sadness had been bottled up for so long, but I was always with someone and like I said earlier, I feel like I can’t cry in front of people. Last night though, I finally broke. I cried for a while, with someone in the room because I was well past the point of caring if he saw me crying hard or not.

I felt so much better today. I haven’t felt like I was a step away from crying, like I have for a while now. I don’t feel just absolutely tired. I feel… happier. I hope that I never am so silly to hold back tears for that long ever again.

If you need to cry, don’t hold it back. Please cry. It will make you feel better.

God gave us tears. He fashioned us so sobbing is pain relief. He made us so that crying can be for any emotion. Dare I say that tears are even a form of praise unto Him; that tears can be shed for His glory?

Kate out.