I’ve been thinking about life lately. It’s a bit thrilling, but a somewhat frightening thing to think about.
Things I’ve been thinking about jobs. And thinking about college. And thinking about things like earning enough money to buy a new laptop because mine is still a bit screwy and where do I want to live and what time do I want to be getting up in the mornings.
Right now, the biggest of these things is the job. I definitely need a source of income. I need a way to support myself. Making a stable income from writing takes years, if you ever actually get that far.
Second biggest thing is college. I was seriously considering it last year. I was planning to major in English with a concentration in Literature. I wanted to work in marketing for publishing. I had a plan and had figured out specific colleges and everything.
And then I learned that publishing is a very difficult job to break into. That broke my carefully laid plans. It broke my motivation. I haven’t really considered college since.
The past few days, I’ve been considering computer science. Coding and programming and all that sounds kinda cool. I’ve been considering English again, even though I’m not sure what I’d actually do with it.
I have to know why I’m doing what I’m doing. I have to know what the end goal is. I’m reluctant to go to college just for the sake of a piece of paper that says I have this knowledge. That’s an expensive piece of paper.
But at the same time, a lot of jobs, ones I could do from home, require a degree. You want to be a Social Media person for a company? Get a degree in marketing. Want to write for our prestigious online magazine? Better have an English or Journalism degree. Want to work for Google, Pinterest, Amazon? Computer Science. And you had probably better live in LA.
What kind of job do I want? Honestly, a creative one. I want to write. I want to create. I want to make YouTube videos. I want to write a bestselling book or 50. I want to make a podcast. I want a blog with a million views a day. I want to write for Disney. I want to write a television show. I want to create.
The problem with a creative pursuit is that there is no promise of secure salary. With most of the things I just mentioned, there’s not even a guarantee of payment. There’s a guarantee of blood, sweat, tears, and way too much Diet Coke. There’s guarantee of very hard work with possibly no payoff. (I also know that Disney is one of those places that is difficult to get into… and you probably better live in LA.)
I could start a Ko-Fi or Patreon account. I don’t feel like I’ve earned that yet, though. And Patreon is a strange thing. You give extra stuff to your patrons. I don’t have extra stuff, though, or even ideas for that. And for Ko-Fi, it’s like a tip jar. Having worked in a pizza place, tips usually aren’t much to begin with. I really don’t feel like I’ve earned Ko-Fi or Patreon just yet anyway.
There are other supportive accounts, but I still don’t feel like I’m ready to do that. It feels selfish and lazy right now because I haven’t really done anything worthy of either.
Back to the point.
A job. College. Both? Job no matter what but is college in that time frame? I think about this every few months. Maybe I should just go to college so I’ll quit thinking about it. Not without a plan, though. Not without knowing what I want.
I still have no idea exactly what I want, though.
P.S. — I have no problem with living in LA or around there. But that is awfully far from Indiana and they don’t have fireflies in California.